Heartbreak

I was recently watching an episode of Mad Men and it got me thinking about heartbreak. Not the sappy teenage love heartbreak kind, but the deep pain of a sudden tragic event or consequential life moment.

It was heart wrenching scene (when Peggy quits SCDP) on the subtle level typical of Mad Men. What struck me, while having this tug of pain, was me being able to have this connection with TV characters. Having this understanding while watching this scene of delicate anguish play out with characters on a show and empathize with them is something truly remarkable. It’s a testament to how of TV (and film) have the ability to connect to its viewers on a deep level and what happens when you recognize it and allow it to happen. It was a bit surreal- I was feeling the pain of these characters, realized I was experiencing this pain, which I in turn gave myself the permission to continue feeling the pain, which gave me a feeling of relief over my connection with the characters (and other humans).

When I was younger watching these stories, be it in film or television, they would not have the same power as described above. I didn’t have the deeper understanding of personal connections to empathize with stories and characters. I understood that these moments are meant to be important for the character, but generally would wash over me as a person or feel on a more surface level connection. But that understanding of a character’s pathos and emotions is something that has grown greater as I have grown older. It is quite something to start to have this appreciation for the shared emotional connection that every person has in life and recognize that universal truth being shared in a story you are actively experiencing.

The older I get get, the more I understand what real heartbreak means and feels like. When I was younger I would hold back, contain, or generally not connect with the emotion and pain of a scene. You’re better able to do this in your younger years due to naivety and less responsibility in life. But the more your share, socialize, build relationships, gain responsibilities, the more you’re empathy grows.

The other part of the equation though is the stories you consume not only connecting with a shared emotion, but effectively expressing it that is authentic, earned, and impactful (or in other words- shown, not told).

What is interesting, is that I still do all I can can both consciously and subconsciously to protect myself from pain in the real world, but when I see it on screen and connect with it, I seek it out. Its therapeutic. I get to have that relationship with the pain in my own controlled way. But I think it helps me know that I am not the only one who feels pains, that you must feel pain, that you will feel pain. That is the price to building a close relationship with anything- your work, your friends, your family. It teaches me to be more open in my real life.

I wish that I was more aware of this connection, at a younger age, between emotional pain and relationships we build. It feels like I may have been able to build better and deeper relationships with those around me up to this point. It is defiantly not always strong suit of mine.

One of the wonderful aspects of watching Mad Men, is its depth within each character and the subtly of their interactions with each other that plays on the different aspects of the other characters. What is so great is watching their growth, for better or worse, through the seasons.

This goes for any show that puts in the effort with thier characters. When done right, regardless of genre, it’s a remarkable showcase of human nature. It has helped me understand the importance and necessary nature of personal relationships, the need to work at them, because even when the lead to heartbreak, you’ll need the others to get through it.

And sometimes those relationships might be with the characters of television show. And Mad Men has some great ones.